Sunday, 23 May 2010


For one of the challenges at Scrap Matters we were supposed to create a page about imperfections, flaws or something less than "ideal".

Yesterday evening I finally felt the need to create such a page and I have to say I cried a lot while doing it, because I realized once more that all of my life I have felt imperfect, inadequate, flawed, not good enough, never good enough!

My whole life was a fight to deserve the love of others and if one thing was perfect about me, it was only the mask of perfectionism, the wall of loneliness that I had to build so that nobody should see me for who I was (nota bene, while thinking that I was being who I was, since this is the nature of denial). Whether I was successful at school or failed exams, whether I was slim and gorgeous or fat and depressed, I ALWAYS felt the same: not good enough.

Thinking about that wall reminded me of a very appropriate song by Pink Floyd:

"Hush now, baby baby, don't you cry
Momma's gonna make all your nightmares come true
Momma's gonna put all of her fears into you
Momma's gona keep you right here under her wing
She won't let you fly but she might let you sing
Momma's gonna keep baby cozy and warm
Oh babe, oh babe, oh babe,
Of course momma's gonna help build a wall!

... ... ...

Mother, did it need to be so high?"

I just hope one day I will really get over all this and be able to really take care of my inner child and nurture her like noone did before, hoping that she can finally heal and be happy.

Here is my page.

Violet purple symphony - Collab by Corinne, Mellye, Moune, Pepete13, Scrapofangel
Photos by Bogdan and Carla
Wordart by me

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